


I am done with what the world wanted

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Child Death, Gen, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 20:21:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12825333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Dean breaks





	I am done with what the world wanted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tigriswolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/gifts).



> Written for a prompt by tigriswolf: Author’s choice, any protagonist (or antagonist), I am done with what the world wanted

Dean stalks in, his body vibrating with anger. Not a word is said as he passes by his brother, Sam and the angel, Castiel. They both looked up in interest. Cas' eyes widen as he feels the emotion rolling off him in waves and winces when he hears Dean's bedroom door slam shut. Sam and Cas look at each other, both weary of Dean's mood and what it means. Finally Sam stands to his full height and put his hands out to stop Cas from getting up and getting involved. 

"I'll go see what's wrong." He says and disappears down the same hall as Dean. Cas' ears pick up the growl that comes from Dean. 

"What!?" Dean yells, not sparing anyone his wrath. Cas can't quite hear Sam as he speaks in a low, even tone.

"Get out!" Dean bellows out at Sam. Then something is slammed down or possibly thrown. A thud is heard followed by the slamming of a door. Sam stomps into the room, sadly eyeing Cas as he reclaims his seat next to the angel. Cas quirks an eyebrow at him. He's proud of his ability to do this since he's tried for so long to mimic Dean's expression.

"It's not good." Sam whispers and Cas places a soothing hand on him. "He's packing, he's leaving." Sam says as Cas only stares at him, open mouthed. Because neither can believe it. "Dean said he's done. Can't take the life any more." 

Cas shakes his head at the news. It's not possible. Dean has never given up, even when he wanted to. Even when his loved ones begged him to, he persisted on. Cas raises to his feet and walks to Dean's room. He doesn't bother to knock, just pushes the door open to see Dean packing. It takes a moment for Cas' eyes and brain to catch up to each other. Dean's actually packing! 

Dean looks up at him as he tosses his clothes into a duffle bag. "What?" Dean hisses at him through gritted teeth. 

"Why?" Cas asks, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Dean turns to him, green eyes flashing in a mixture of anger, hurt and sadness. Something that Cas has never seen in Dean before. He's too good at hiding his emotions. "I am done with what the world wanted." Dean says, his hands clenching into fists. "I've given too much. Lost too much." He says as his voice breaks. He's no longer able to hide his emotions. The weight of the world has always been on his shoulders and he can no longer carry it. He's too broken, too tired. “I just can’t do this anymore. I’m tired Cas.” Dean says as he sinks onto his bed. He rests his head in his hands. 

It takes Cas a moment to realize that Dean’s shoulders are shaking. He’s crying. Cas has only ever seen this when it comes to the loss of Dean’s brother or Bobby. He has never seen Dean so broken, so hollowed out from everything the world has thrown at him. The original righteous man is broken and Cas feels panic rising up in him. How can this be? He never thought this could happen. Never even entertained the idea that it was even possible. “What happened?” Cas asks in a soft voice. His own heart breaking at the sight before him. 

Soft movement catches his attention and he turns to see Sam standing in the doorway. His features are clouded, concern for his brother etched in his face. Dean’s the strongest man he knows and to see his brother like this scares him. He’s stronger than any hunter he’s ever met, including their father. He’s always put everyone before his own needs. Now, here he is crying. He didn’t break when they lost their father or Bobby. He never faltered when they said goodbye to Jo and Ellen. He never looked back when he gave up Lisa and Ben to keep them safe. What happened to break him?

Dean looks up at them both, eyes red and raw from the tears. “Dean.” Sam says, his voice is soft, pleading in trying to get Dean to talk to him, to tell them what’s wrong. He stands and turns to them. That’s when they see it. The blood on his arms and his shirt. Sam rushes in, trying to determine if Dean is still bleeding. Dean pushes his hands away. Mutters, ‘not my blood’ as Cas also rushes to heal him. He turns from then, can’t face them because what broke him hasn’t anything to do with a hunt or even the supernatural. 

“Dean, please talk to us.” Sam says but doesn’t dare touch him. They hear him take a shaky breath before he finally speaks. 

“Little girl crossing the street. She was in the cross walk. Drunk driver hit her. Ten o’clock in the morning.” Dean says as his curled fist collides with the wall. He has to use effort to pull his fist from the hole in the wall. “I ran to her, knew I couldn’t do anything but hold her. She cried for her mom. Just held her until the ambulance arrived but it was too late. She was gone. Can still hear her mom’s screams.” Dean angrily wipes the tears away. He’s not supposed to cry, not supposed to feel. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder. “Dean, you comforted her. She wasn’t alone at the end.” Sam says, trying to comfort him. His voice cracks from the pain of seeing his brother this way. 

“Dean, you’re a good man. Not everyone would have done what you did. Take comfort in the fact that she had someone who cared enough to stay with her.” Cas says, hoping to take some of Dean’s pain way. “I can take the pain from you, if you want.” 

Dean shakes his head no. He doesn’t want to give up this pain. He needs it. Needs to feel it so he can carry on. He knows even though he’s done, the world isn’t done with him.


End file.
